Any family lawyer will tell you that there is no such thing as a straight “win” in divorce in the sense that one person takes all. Any negotiator or mediator will invite you to consider the real meaning of “win” for you. What do you really want to achieve?

The answer to that question is often a complicated one. It will almost inevitably in a divorce/separation situation have elements which are not just financial. People often want to ensure an outcome which leaves them with self-respect or which allows a civilised continuing relationship as parents. Most people want a process which is as cost effective as possible. Money spent on arguing is money not available for division.

In mediation, we help people to look at interest based principles. By that I mean finding out what you both actually want and where you would like to end up. The fact is that, when we do that, clients are often surprised to discover that, by each giving on points which are not actually crucial to them, they can both ” win”. That is if the definition of “win” is to arrive at a resolution which gives you a future which works for you.